Tag-Archive for » love «

No World Left for Tomorrow

Well, for starters, you should visit the place that you never do- that’s the gym” he said, looking up from his wrinkled copy of “The Week”.

She stood there, the wet dish in her hand dripping soap suds onto her gloves into her sleeves.

“Well you asked,” he said, now getting pissed it was going to become an argument. She always had to do it, ask the question to which there was no right answer. And even if there was, she always found it so unconvincing or blatant. “Goddamn,” he mumbled and slammed down his magazine. “Here we go again.” As the tears started to roll down her face, it made him cringe more, somewhere inside.

In truth, he couldn’t bear to see her cry. Sometimes she used that as a weapon. But at that time, it just seemed that it did not matter to him much.

He walked to the TV, switched it on and shouted over a commercial for Baby wipes. This was all just a mistake. You want me to do, what you feel like doing, you want me to say, what you want to Hear. In truth, you just wanted a Dog, not a Husband.

She stared at the wall with glassy eyes. It just made him more angry.

Standing over the sink full of dishes, she touched the back of her hand to her forehead and turned away from him. He knew she was doing it so he couldn’t see her shiver and her eyes tearing.

It didn’t matter. He knew her well enough. Or that’s what he thought he did. He always had a way to look at life at a telescopic level, his rationality ruling over emotions or microcosm of feelings.

“Oh fuck this,” he said, knowing he’d never win. “What the hell am I supposed to say to you? How the hell do I get out of these ridiculous situations you set up? It’s like, all I want is some peace and quiet when I get home from work and you’re not happy unless there’s an argument.”

Next to his shoulder on a shelf was a Hummel figurine he’d bought her for their anniversary. He didn’t know why he threw it until after it shattered against the wall. He felt no better. He missed his whole life that he gave up and for what, he thought. He missed them all, his friends, his social life. His whole life hurt. It never stopped. Sometimes he could forget about it for a while. But it never went away completely. It left him helpless and hating the life that surrounded him.

She flinched at the sound of her breaking gift. It made him hate her more.

It was all about control. She was turning into a goddamned shrew and he was not going to be a mindless lump. He’d show her. He would not turn into a dog that she wanted for as her pet.

When she gasped, as if his words were punches, he knocked over the kitchenette table and she held her hands over her mouth.

He knew he would have to hit her if he stayed so he grabbed his car keys off the counter. Why the hell had he gotten married in the first place? It was the “buy the cow” scenario his best friend told him about that got him in to this mess. Now he was attached to someone who would never understand what he wanted in life and couldn’t help him get it.

It was a mistake. He’d fix it. There were people who understood him. There were things he enjoyed doing. There were things he resorted to for his escape.

He thought she would have hated it when he went there because he felt good there. She didn’t want him to do anything that made him happy.

He told her not to wait up for him. He told her she looked like a fucking scullery maid kneeling on the floor and crying, and what the hell did she think she was, Cinderella? And he was proud of himself for thinking of the analogy. At least one of the guys would find a way to laugh at that.

When he slammed the door and her sobbing faded behind the metal and wood what pissed him off most is he was sure she had no idea what a huge favor he was doing her by leaving.

Her Slow Ascent

“She will remember your heart when men
are fairy tales in books written by rabbits.
Of all unicorns, she is the only one who knows what
regret is – and love.”

-Schmendrick

Her lips open part for the breaths, dissolving into the sweats and blood,

Her words are not powerful-her speech faltering and embarrassed

But she is sincere!

First- she has to tell you

That there is a reason, a justification and understanding

That you always sought for but missed in her

Second- a caution- a request

Dontsayanythingyet, youmightmisunderstand

She doesn’t want an answer,

Leave beside a wrongone and misunderstood!

She conjured a whispered affection, fondness in her shadows-

Spoken with dry lips, parched and devoid.

Her averted eyes and apparent hopes

Gleamed in her eyes that don’t shine!

In her mind you’re a destiny,

just not the one she took home but hoped sincerely!

She would never say it in words,

she cares at least too much to pass it by.

But she’s been telling you for a while

with the way she leans in the doorway

always in the midst of lights and her gloom

where her shadows meet yours, becoming one.


Category: Thoughts  Tags:  6 Comments
This is How the World Ends…

The heavy-eyed sunlight made its way through, albeit grandly, through the broken window pane of her small cottage. It scattered itself, like a dead man bathed in its own blood rivuletss along the floor. As the unseen crow crowed in the barnyard, it was another sleepy day, inattentive to the farming. The rains had been beating, untiring of its own sound and wreckage that it brought with it. The heavy eyed sunlight playing its own hide and seek games with the clouds, the rainbows getting its beauty from the game. And for Sarah, the realization dawned almost as sudden-

For today was the day., The day when her life – her life as she knew it – was over.

The others had been taken away, killed but their dead bodies never found. It was rumored to be an Army of Beasts, nicknamed as Spartans, ironically so. There were left no more, just Sarah and her family. The Spartans were taking everyone, all shapes and sizes as long as it moved with life. Spartans killed them all, sooner or later. Indiscriminately, Horribly… She knew they were dead, because she could see their corpses, lying abused in the dusty street, their bloods mixing in the rains- the gravels marooned and grey. She thought of all the poor wives, taken away by the Spartans who would never get to see the faces of their husbands that they had loved so dearly. It was said that the wives were never killed, they lived on as Spartans’ mistresses, missing their husbands for years to come. Death was a reward to them, ungiven and much sought.

Nobody knew where the Spartans had come from. Nobody had the chance to find out, their existence never gave them much chance or the urge. And then they were headed to Sarah- Killing everybody, taking away the wives. The raindrops were seemed smeared in the bloods of the husbands and the tears of the wives. And the clouds carried these drops farther, village to village.

You could see the Spartans coming by the huge cloud of dust that their running feet kicked up as they scuttled violently towards the village. Their horses carrying the weights of brutality forward. The first time they came was bizarre in a horribly violent surreal sort of way, like it was a little child’s nightmare out of his fairy tales book. The men were worn out into this world with bloodied limbs and looks of petrified terror. Spartans only killed those who attempted a resist to fight for their lives, and it was almost everybody.

These thoughts rushed through her head, and she leaned over to check if Robert was still in bed. He was gone, last night his heroism projected in the room, with his plans to fight the Spartans. His eyes shone with the bravery, unseen and unheard so in the tending farmers. Sarah was lost on what to do. The memory of last night’s bedroom revelation washed over her.

Robert had always been a peaceful farmer. That’s why she had loved him so much. He had been one of those kind souls for whom any violence was a total waste. His only wish was to spend life tending his farmlands, his sheep and tending his barn. But the damages of the entire village being decimated had gotten him. It had managed to lodge the seed of violence deep within his once gentle heart. And he being a farmer tended that seed till he had harvested it in its full bloom. He had planned revenge, and had a revelation on how to fight the Spartans. Sarah cried and so did the clouds outside in her village.

Oh Robert, what have you come to? Who have you become? Where have you gone? She will never see the face of the man who had loved her for so long. He will forever be but an apparition of her memory.

Sarah had come close to killing him last night. Killing out of love, or maybe mercy.

Too much love can kill you if you are not careful.

She knew that the Spartan would get him. And torture him, till he begged for his Death. The Spartans left nobody unscathed. They would bruise him, kick him, let him loose for him to gather his last shards of courage and then devastate him after he had given his last shot at life. They would have broken each of his limbs, each of his ribs, severed his eyes, ears, mouth. With only his heart not too faint to give up on his body, he would have suffered each blow, feeling his own limbs falling out of his torso.

She did not recall the last night, just that there was too much crying, there were too many words, screamed, begged and wasted. She saw his face, sweet as a child, talking of war, he against the whole army. He did not want to run away, he spoke too much. And she did not remember how she grabbed the knife by the bed, which she always kept under since she had known about the Spartans, the invisible enemies. And the knife was in his body, his blood in her hands. She could not have seen him dying in hands of Spartans.

A quick death would have done him good, would have done good to his soul. Atleast he deserved that much.

And the sunlight scattered itself, on the dead man bathed in his own blood rivulets along the floor, it scattered along Robert’s. Oh dear Robert, he still had that sweet smile, Sarah cried and screamed in her cottage. Her tears were carried forward in the rains outside, her scream in the thunder of the clouds.

The overcast clouds overhead fly by, and she knew that the Spartans were coming. They won’t kill her, she knew it.

Only If Robert were so lucky….

And She wore her Loneliness, like a Broken Shell

    And her grandmother told her stories about the Stars. Stars that she loved every night, stars that shone just for her. Stars that did not disillusion, and disgrace love.

    Oh, she hoped they existed for her sake!

She stood still in her garden, bending forward as if admiring a dead flower- or almost dying. The moonlight caught the hem of her dress, sparkling at the corners, giving it its own whites of melancholy. Her hair, golden as a hay, was pulled up into a knot high on her head leaving a neck as graceful as a swan’s, as vulnerable to the hunter’s arch.

And the west wind blew.

He approached her from the west with the wind and his scent and his steps were carried with the autumn leaves. He moved soundlessly except for the winds that were carrying him forward before his steps. He brought along a faint jingle of silver-white necklaces, as a token from a parting lover. She stood along, did not seem to move but left a deep sigh, as if an acknowledgment towards him, and his weight carried in the winds. Her back was turned to him and the west winds.

His cloak was of a warrior, shining and crisp. It was as if he was leaving for a far away battle, as if this was just a temporary home for him. His hands were brown and smooth and longed for her last touch. He smiled vaguely in the moonlight, but the moonlight shone on his agony more than the pretence of his smile. Had her back not been turned to him, she would have seen the moon shine on his smile, she would have seen the light in his dark aura and she once more had been dazzled and heart-broken. She was prepared and did not turn to look, she only said, “You are leaving,” it was not an indictment.

His smile faltered, but only for a moment. They always knew that the Warrior left them alone; never before had there been one who did not beg, who did not ask in vain for him to stay. Smiling wider, he stared down at his brown, smooth hands and said, “I am leaving.”

At this, she nodded, her silver-white gown shimmered faintly in the moonlight. She closed her eyes and bowed her head, as if in approval. There was silence except for the faint jingle of necklaces and the sound of the west wind doing her part of begging and beseeching.

And the Time stood still, as if capturing the last moments of love frozen in the garden of autumn winds.

He broke the silence, awkwardly, as if he were unaccustomed to speaking, “Since you have not begged me to stay, I shall grant you a wish”. He was surprised at the tone of his own voice, tender and shaking. He added quickly, “but do not ask me to stay. I may return some day, but I will not stay.”

She smiled a strange, secretive smile, the kind that always accompanied a tear drop. But did not turn to look at him. Her voice sounded as if it came from very far and she spoke very slowly, “I ask that you never again return this place, and you never again seek me out.”

His smile fell, and he wrinkled his smooth, brown brow. He stared for a moment at the merciless back of the one who would not beg and felt a sudden loss. The arch of her neck killed him with its own bend, sharper than the swords he ever fought with. He turned on his heel and walked away, the winds carrying his footsteps farther, he thinking of moonlight and her stories, knowing that he would be, at last forgotten.

Category: The Journey, Thoughts  Tags: ,  One Comment
Growing Old

Man and his visibly pregnant wife are in bed together. His chest was bare and he kept looking at his cell-phone for the alarm to ring. The woman just had bouts of her routine morning-sickness. She was paled and breathless.

Woman sits up with an effort and puts a hand on his arm.

Woman: “Please, don’t go to work today.”

Man: “Trust me, I’d rather stay home but I’ve got loads of shit to do. The crazy clients do not understand a fig. My team-members are a bunch of morons. Is there something wrong?”

Woman: “No, not really. Have a good day.”

Man: “It’s just, we really need the money with the baby coming. I really need to go to work for that…. But I still love you, you okay?”

Woman: “I’m fine. I’m, just…. I’m just….these god damn hormones.. and, you’re right, you should go to work. Promise you would call me every hour.”

*Man  stands up. He bends down to kiss her. The alarm goes off and He picks his cell phone up off the nightstand and starts dialing.

Man: “Dave, it’s Jack. Sorry but I won’t be able to make it in today… No, it’s personal. I can’t explain it though. Thanks. Bye.”

Woman: “I’m so scared”.

Man: “Yeah, me too but I’m here. Things are gonna be okay, you’ll see. I love you.”

*Man puts his hand down on top of hers..!

And he murmured to himself, with Whitman

I bequeath myself to the dirt to grow from the grass I love
If you want me again, look for me under your boot soles.

A Poem from Antarctica- to explain

Why there has to be the blues.

There has to be the blues because
Some kinds of sadness are as good as being happy.
Or misery loves company.

Why people have to die.

People have to die because
There has to be room for new people.
Or living forever would be boring as hell.

Why loneliness is fundamental physics.

Loneliness is a universal constant because
If you took every person who ever lived
And gave them their own galaxy
There’d be a lot of galaxies left over.
Or because you’re far from me.

Why there has to be Antarctica.

Antarctica has to be so there was somewhere close we could go
To see what the rest of the universe was like.
Or because God forgot to put something at the bottom.

Why it has to hurt.

It has to hurt to remind you everything has a consequence
That ripples through everyone else’s life.
Or it’s sympathy for exploding stars.

Why I smile when I look into your eyes.

I smile when I look into your eyes because
I’m happy I’m close to you again.
Or I remember you from my dreams.

Category: Thoughts  Tags: , ,  5 Comments
Paint me in the Shades of Gray

“Oh Dammit, we are not having this argument again!!” He screams at her, with all his acrimony carved out in the lifeless room. Her eyes were glassy, she wanted to cry, she almost was, but stood on.

And it made him livid!

He had been missing for last two nights. A business trip kept him away as much as she saw him as seldom as his other friends. He had been long gone; she kept herself busy with her paintings.

She just looked at the newspaper, edged out on the corner table.

He slammed it on her face, a murky picture of melancholy and grief.

And he walks out of the room. His cell was ringing unobtrusively and her sight made him sick. He loved her, but that was seven years ago.

She looked at him walking away. Picks up the newspaper and tidily folds it up to the table. The paper read her Name in Bold; she was awarded the KAVA award only yesterday for her art works. She looked pretty in the picture; her dark aura was conjured well with the portrait in her paintings…abandoned and solitary.

She swabs off her eyes and walks to the room where he was smoking up in the dim corner. She walks up to him, stretches her arm with the newspaper in it. He glances up hesitantly, and reads the paper.

He hugs her “Darling, I am so proud of you”.

Yes, he loved her and that was seven years back.

Stale Sheets, Old Letters and Your Name

Its the cracked ones That let Light into the world
Diffused, punctuated with rainbows of tears

Sadness is just a crack in my life
That I fall into, sometimes
Sloppy, clumsy, and weary
not watching, unaware and tired
Misunderstood, arranged to be pushed

Sadness is just a crack in the sidewalk
a space inviting, and dark
I’d rather not stay, just step over the gap
It’d feel like a walk in the park.

A painful reminder of imperfection
My habit to step in harm’s way.
This sidewalk, the smoothness ends shortly
A new route wont come up today.
Or ever…

Sadness is just a crack in my life
That I fall into, sometimes…

Category: Thoughts  Tags: , , , ,  5 Comments
Lie just a Little

Come Undone…Still

Give it up baby,
a whimper would be fine
Some kind of clue that you’re doing time
Some kind of heartache
Honey, give it a try
.

I had to call her because I wanted something more than her letter. It was so clean, so therapeutic I couldn’t let it go. We had been through so much together I could not believe that she could be so banal; so simple. It was not enough that she “felt bad”. Or if “she was sorry” That wasn’t even close to the feeling I had; the feeling I wanted her to have.
What did I want? What did I want her to say? How about Lost, how about slaughtered, betrayed-. We were together for as long and she talks about it like it was just a phase, as if we were a bad haircut or part-time job.

It’s not enough that I am now on my own. Not nearly enough. We were one, one mind, one soul. I think the least she can do is join in the misery. Share and feel alike.
 

Could you cry a little?
lie just a little,
pretend that you’re feeling a little more pain?
I gave, now I’m wanting something in return
So cry just a little, for me?

Category: Thoughts  Tags: , ,  3 Comments
StoryTeller

It’s not the words you write, it’s the story you tell

“Read me a story” I told him prodding his leg with my foot.

It was a summer afternoon. The kind of ones that make you lazy and bored. I laid there on the cushions, watching him so content with his books and ink.

He glanced at me and went back to his book.

“Pleasseeee tell me a story”. I whined and cajoled him like a child. He chuckled and placed my feet in his lap.

His book laid downwards on the table now.

“What sort of story you would wana hear to”?

“Anything, which is yours”

“I don’t tell good stories”

“Yes, you do.”

I whimpered again, made funny sounds. He always gave in to that, smilingly

“OK” he said.

I smiled and adjusted my feet in his lap. His fingers circling my soles, but that never tickled me. This is what amazed him the most and he loved to do that over and over again.

He told me about the girl, who loved to watch movies. Everyday she went to a Video library, to get the latest movie, with her lover. The movies excited both of them, esp. when it was the rarest legends procured sheepishly from an Internet site or traded with a friend. This time, they had got Bowling for Constantine. It was an amazing movie, the lover told her. Her eyes sparkled with the enthusiasm of a child. Even she had read about the movie so many times. The lights were out, the cozy theatre set in the corner of the room. She got the popcorns from the street vendor and made herself comfortable on his shoulder.

And she slept off.

“Oh that’s so sad and funny.” Was the movie that boring? Did the lover not mind her sleeping in the middle of movies.

“Ofcourse he did not.”

Another time, he told me a story about the princess in a kingdom far away. She refused to marry as she loved no one. Her father was anxious for her and held a contest for her: The man who can tell a story to my daughter, that makes her both laugh and cry, think and dream, she will marry him. The princess agreed to the contest. Men from all over the kingdom came to the princess and told her stories. None excited her. None moved her. A year went by. The king had lost all the hopes and then a poor peasant came and told her a story. It was a story so sad and so gentle, so rich and so profound that it made the princess laugh and cry, dream and think. She married the peasant and they lived happily ever after.

Once, he asked me what I wanted for my birthday. I told him to fill me up a Bowl, brimming full with his own stories. I knew he would not do that. He shook his head and closed his eyes. I thought I bemused him in funny ways.

I woke up on my birthday and found a large blue bowl resting next to my pillow. A hundred sheets of paper ripped out of a book were kept neatly inside. I picked one and it was a story about a girl who loved stories. I sat there, read all the stories, one by one. They were stories about people who loved to hear stories, stories about the story tellers trying to win over the woman they loved.

I picked up the final story.

It was about the lover who had watched her love sleep on his shoulders as they watched the movies together. The lover filled his eyes with the joy and splendor of his love beside him, resting on the shoulders, all her worries at bay. The lover loved her more than anything else in the world. He loved to play with her soles, but she never did feel ticklish. They had their own lives twisted around each other, perfectly.

I could not read the last lines of the story as they appeared smudged with tears. The whites of the paper blotted with blues of ink. I could feel sudden rising sadness in my stomach. I picked up the phone to call him up, only to receive his message asking me to check my chestnut drawer.

I pulled the drawer open.

There laid the DVD.

“ Bowling for Constatine”.

Category: Thoughts  Tags: ,  18 Comments
Pastel Memories

Faded memories, wait beside me.

The tips of your fingers reach inside and touch my memory. Long after, the fingers are gone, long after the memory is frigid.

The reminiscence that’s are made by us, but not necessarily for us:

The man who could not hear the tweet of birds anymore- The valley filled with the chirps all over, following a gun shot. And his best friend, laid there with the gun in his hand- Bleeding and smiling.

 The little girl, who never ran to the honk of a car outside- She always did, in keenness of her grand mother coming home. But the grand mother had abruptly stopped visiting her, she was dead long before. Now the grand mother only visits her in her dreams.
 The boy who could not stand the hotdogs anymore, Could not stand the sight of it. His friend and he were sitting in the courtyard, eating the hotdog, when his cat went running after the truck. The truck ran over the cat- Stupid cat.
She could not listen to Duran/Duran anymore.  She had made love to him on that song on multiple occasions. Now he was married to someone else, and Duran/Duran seemed as spiteful.
These ashen memories, linger beside—– long after you’re gone.

  • Arbid Bits

    _______________________________________________

    I did not ask if the Glass was Half-full or Half-empty. I have always had enough to Drink.
    ________________________________________________

    She had Mood Ring Eyes.
    ________________________________________________

    Look out the window, stare at the sky, see where you will never reach, see everything that you can't be. In your mind you begin to blame all of the problems on everyone else. Kill your idols, kill your life.
    ________________________________________________

    It's time to go out and find a fight, then run away from that fight like you do from everything else in your sad, pathetic, small, weak, little life.
    ________________________________________________

    This is me, after the OverHaul.
    ________________________________________________

    Write my Biography, and I will write your Fiction.
    ________________________________________________

  • Archives

  • Recent Trackbacks

  • The Other Me

    We exist in a world of pure communication, where looks don't matter and only the best writers make it through.
  • Recent Comments

    • Elodia Stetke: Made a movie about this, would you and anyone else here consider checking it out real quick and let me...
    • krishnendhu: IT IS JUST AMAZING………&# 8230;………R 30;………...
    • gagarin: Yaa;;;;;;;;; Its certainly a different kind of article………&# 8230;..I likes these types of...
    • gagarin: Good theme………R 30;…..
    • fredy: Its really a backing………&# 8230;.stick on some other types……
  • Subscribe in a reader

    Enter your email address: