Tag-Archive for » love «
Well, for starters, you should visit the place that you never do- that’s the gym” he said, looking up from his wrinkled copy of “The Week”.
She stood there, the wet dish in her hand dripping soap suds onto her gloves into her sleeves.
“Well you asked,” he said, now getting pissed it was going to become an argument. She always had to do it, ask the question to which there was no right answer. And even if there was, she always found it so unconvincing or blatant. “Goddamn,” he mumbled and slammed down his magazine. “Here we go again.” As the tears started to roll down her face, it made him cringe more, somewhere inside.
In truth, he couldn’t bear to see her cry. Sometimes she used that as a weapon. But at that time, it just seemed that it did not matter to him much.
He walked to the TV, switched it on and shouted over a commercial for Baby wipes. This was all just a mistake. You want me to do, what you feel like doing, you want me to say, what you want to Hear. In truth, you just wanted a Dog, not a Husband.
She stared at the wall with glassy eyes. It just made him more angry.
Standing over the sink full of dishes, she touched the back of her hand to her forehead and turned away from him. He knew she was doing it so he couldn’t see her shiver and her eyes tearing.
It didn’t matter. He knew her well enough. Or that’s what he thought he did. He always had a way to look at life at a telescopic level, his rationality ruling over emotions or microcosm of feelings.
“Oh fuck this,” he said, knowing he’d never win. “What the hell am I supposed to say to you? How the hell do I get out of these ridiculous situations you set up? It’s like, all I want is some peace and quiet when I get home from work and you’re not happy unless there’s an argument.”
Next to his shoulder on a shelf was a Hummel figurine he’d bought her for their anniversary. He didn’t know why he threw it until after it shattered against the wall. He felt no better. He missed his whole life that he gave up and for what, he thought. He missed them all, his friends, his social life. His whole life hurt. It never stopped. Sometimes he could forget about it for a while. But it never went away completely. It left him helpless and hating the life that surrounded him.
She flinched at the sound of her breaking gift. It made him hate her more.
It was all about control. She was turning into a goddamned shrew and he was not going to be a mindless lump. He’d show her. He would not turn into a dog that she wanted for as her pet.
When she gasped, as if his words were punches, he knocked over the kitchenette table and she held her hands over her mouth.
He knew he would have to hit her if he stayed so he grabbed his car keys off the counter. Why the hell had he gotten married in the first place? It was the “buy the cow” scenario his best friend told him about that got him in to this mess. Now he was attached to someone who would never understand what he wanted in life and couldn’t help him get it.
It was a mistake. He’d fix it. There were people who understood him. There were things he enjoyed doing. There were things he resorted to for his escape.
He thought she would have hated it when he went there because he felt good there. She didn’t want him to do anything that made him happy.
He told her not to wait up for him. He told her she looked like a fucking scullery maid kneeling on the floor and crying, and what the hell did she think she was, Cinderella? And he was proud of himself for thinking of the analogy. At least one of the guys would find a way to laugh at that.
When he slammed the door and her sobbing faded behind the metal and wood what pissed him off most is he was sure she had no idea what a huge favor he was doing her by leaving.
“She will remember your heart when men
are fairy tales in books written by rabbits.
Of all unicorns, she is the only one who knows what
regret is – and love.”
-Schmendrick
Her lips open part for the breaths, dissolving into the sweats and blood,
Her words are not powerful-her speech faltering and embarrassed
But she is sincere!
First- she has to tell you
That there is a reason, a justification and understanding
That you always sought for but missed in her
Second- a caution- a request
Dontsayanythingyet, youmightmisunderstand
She doesn’t want an answer,
Leave beside a wrongone and misunderstood!
She conjured a whispered affection, fondness in her shadows-
Spoken with dry lips, parched and devoid.
Her averted eyes and apparent hopes
Gleamed in her eyes that don’t shine!
In her mind you’re a destiny,
just not the one she took home but hoped sincerely!
She would never say it in words,
she cares at least too much to pass it by.
But she’s been telling you for a while
with the way she leans in the doorway
always in the midst of lights and her gloom
where her shadows meet yours, becoming one.
And her grandmother told her stories about the Stars. Stars that she loved every night, stars that shone just for her. Stars that did not disillusion, and disgrace love.
Oh, she hoped they existed for her sake!
She stood still in her garden, bending forward as if admiring a dead flower- or almost dying. The moonlight caught the hem of her dress, sparkling at the corners, giving it its own whites of melancholy. Her hair, golden as a hay, was pulled up into a knot high on her head leaving a neck as graceful as a swan’s, as vulnerable to the hunter’s arch.
And the west wind blew.
He approached her from the west with the wind and his scent and his steps were carried with the autumn leaves. He moved soundlessly except for the winds that were carrying him forward before his steps. He brought along a faint jingle of silver-white necklaces, as a token from a parting lover. She stood along, did not seem to move but left a deep sigh, as if an acknowledgment towards him, and his weight carried in the winds. Her back was turned to him and the west winds.
His cloak was of a warrior, shining and crisp. It was as if he was leaving for a far away battle, as if this was just a temporary home for him. His hands were brown and smooth and longed for her last touch. He smiled vaguely in the moonlight, but the moonlight shone on his agony more than the pretence of his smile. Had her back not been turned to him, she would have seen the moon shine on his smile, she would have seen the light in his dark aura and she once more had been dazzled and heart-broken. She was prepared and did not turn to look, she only said, “You are leaving,” it was not an indictment.
His smile faltered, but only for a moment. They always knew that the Warrior left them alone; never before had there been one who did not beg, who did not ask in vain for him to stay. Smiling wider, he stared down at his brown, smooth hands and said, “I am leaving.”
At this, she nodded, her silver-white gown shimmered faintly in the moonlight. She closed her eyes and bowed her head, as if in approval. There was silence except for the faint jingle of necklaces and the sound of the west wind doing her part of begging and beseeching.
And the Time stood still, as if capturing the last moments of love frozen in the garden of autumn winds.
He broke the silence, awkwardly, as if he were unaccustomed to speaking, “Since you have not begged me to stay, I shall grant you a wish”. He was surprised at the tone of his own voice, tender and shaking. He added quickly, “but do not ask me to stay. I may return some day, but I will not stay.”
She smiled a strange, secretive smile, the kind that always accompanied a tear drop. But did not turn to look at him. Her voice sounded as if it came from very far and she spoke very slowly, “I ask that you never again return this place, and you never again seek me out.”
His smile fell, and he wrinkled his smooth, brown brow. He stared for a moment at the merciless back of the one who would not beg and felt a sudden loss. The arch of her neck killed him with its own bend, sharper than the swords he ever fought with. He turned on his heel and walked away, the winds carrying his footsteps farther, he thinking of moonlight and her stories, knowing that he would be, at last forgotten.
Man and his visibly pregnant wife are in bed together. His chest was bare and he kept looking at his cell-phone for the alarm to ring. The woman just had bouts of her routine morning-sickness. She was paled and breathless.
Woman sits up with an effort and puts a hand on his arm.
Woman: “Please, don’t go to work today.â€
Man: “Trust me, I’d rather stay home but I’ve got loads of shit to do. The crazy clients do not understand a fig. My team-members are a bunch of morons. Is there something wrong?â€
Woman: “No, not really. Have a good day.â€
Man: “It’s just, we really need the money with the baby coming. I really need to go to work for that…. But I still love you, you okay?â€
Woman: “I’m fine. I’m, just…. I’m just….these god damn hormones.. and, you’re right, you should go to work. Promise you would call me every hour.â€
*Man stands up. He bends down to kiss her. The alarm goes off and He picks his cell phone up off the nightstand and starts dialing.
Man: “Dave, it’s Jack. Sorry but I won’t be able to make it in today… No, it’s personal. I can’t explain it though. Thanks. Bye.”
Woman: “I’m so scaredâ€.
Man: “Yeah, me too but I’m here. Things are gonna be okay, you’ll see. I love you.â€
*Man puts his hand down on top of hers..!
And he murmured to himself, with Whitman
I bequeath myself to the dirt to grow from the grass I love
If you want me again, look for me under your boot soles.
Why there has to be the blues.
There has to be the blues because
Some kinds of sadness are as good as being happy.
Or misery loves company.
Why people have to die.
People have to die because
There has to be room for new people.
Or living forever would be boring as hell.
Why loneliness is fundamental physics.
Loneliness is a universal constant because
If you took every person who ever lived
And gave them their own galaxy
There’d be a lot of galaxies left over.
Or because you’re far from me.
Why there has to be Antarctica.
Antarctica has to be so there was somewhere close we could go
To see what the rest of the universe was like.
Or because God forgot to put something at the bottom.
Why it has to hurt.
It has to hurt to remind you everything has a consequence
That ripples through everyone else’s life.
Or it’s sympathy for exploding stars.
Why I smile when I look into your eyes.
I smile when I look into your eyes because
I’m happy I’m close to you again.
Or I remember you from my dreams.
“Oh Dammit, we are not having this argument again!!” He screams at her, with all his acrimony carved out in the lifeless room. Her eyes were glassy, she wanted to cry, she almost was, but stood on.
And it made him livid!
He had been missing for last two nights. A business trip kept him away as much as she saw him as seldom as his other friends. He had been long gone; she kept herself busy with her paintings.
She just looked at the newspaper, edged out on the corner table.
He slammed it on her face, a murky picture of melancholy and grief.
And he walks out of the room. His cell was ringing unobtrusively and her sight made him sick. He loved her, but that was seven years ago.
She looked at him walking away. Picks up the newspaper and tidily folds it up to the table. The paper read her Name in Bold; she was awarded the KAVA award only yesterday for her art works. She looked pretty in the picture; her dark aura was conjured well with the portrait in her paintings…abandoned and solitary.
She swabs off her eyes and walks to the room where he was smoking up in the dim corner. She walks up to him, stretches her arm with the newspaper in it. He glances up hesitantly, and reads the paper.
He hugs her “Darling, I am so proud of you”.
Yes, he loved her and that was seven years back.
Its the cracked ones That let Light into the world
Diffused, punctuated with rainbows of tears
Sadness is just a crack in my life
That I fall into, sometimes
Sloppy, clumsy, and weary
not watching, unaware and tired
Misunderstood, arranged to be pushed
Sadness is just a crack in the sidewalk
a space inviting, and dark
I’d rather not stay, just step over the gap
It’d feel like a walk in the park.
A painful reminder of imperfection
My habit to step in harm’s way.
This sidewalk, the smoothness ends shortly
A new route wont come up today.
Or ever…
Sadness is just a crack in my life
That I fall into, sometimes…
Give it up baby,
a whimper would be fine
Some kind of clue that you’re doing time
Some kind of heartache
Honey, give it a try.
I had to call her because I wanted something more than her letter. It was so clean, so therapeutic I couldn’t let it go. We had been through so much together I could not believe that she could be so banal; so simple. It was not enough that she “felt bad”. Or if “she was sorry” That wasn’t even close to the feeling I had; the feeling I wanted her to have.
What did I want? What did I want her to say? How about Lost, how about slaughtered, betrayed-. We were together for as long and she talks about it like it was just a phase, as if we were a bad haircut or part-time job.
It’s not enough that I am now on my own. Not nearly enough. We were one, one mind, one soul. I think the least she can do is join in the misery. Share and feel alike.
Â
Could you cry a little?
lie just a little,
pretend that you’re feeling a little more pain?
I gave, now I’m wanting something in return
So cry just a little, for me?
Faded memories, wait beside me.
The tips of your fingers reach inside and touch my memory. Long after, the fingers are gone, long after the memory is frigid.
The reminiscence that’s are made by us, but not necessarily for us:
The man who could not hear the tweet of birds anymore- The valley filled with the chirps all over, following a gun shot. And his best friend, laid there with the gun in his hand- Bleeding and smiling.
 The little girl, who never ran to the honk of a car outside- She always did, in keenness of her grand mother coming home. But the grand mother had abruptly stopped visiting her, she was dead long before. Now the grand mother only visits her in her dreams.
 The boy who could not stand the hotdogs anymore, Could not stand the sight of it. His friend and he were sitting in the courtyard, eating the hotdog, when his cat went running after the truck. The truck ran over the cat- Stupid cat.
She could not listen to Duran/Duran anymore. She had made love to him on that song on multiple occasions. Now he was married to someone else, and Duran/Duran seemed as spiteful.
These ashen memories, linger beside—– long after you’re gone.


